Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
