So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
