Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
