How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
