Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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