I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
