I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
