literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
