i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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