"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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