i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
