I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize