For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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