I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
