It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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