At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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