im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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