haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
