So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
