The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she told me i tasted like america
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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