my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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