its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
