I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
