Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
