hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
