carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
