It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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