I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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