I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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