your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
