You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
