We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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