Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
