I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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