i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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