I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
