Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
