You smell like stripper and shame
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
