I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
