It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
