dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
