a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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