All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
