well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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