Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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