Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
