happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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