Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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