We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
