What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
