marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
