I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
