Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
