i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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