I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
