He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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